The Stages of Motherhood

This week, my only child turns 17. Just writing this makes my heart sink. He just went back to school this week as well, so the house has been very quiet without him here. The entire summer, he talked to me about his future plans for college. He was out a lot, gaining his independence as a new driver, spending time swimming with his girlfriend, meeting up with friends, and having a summer job. He was a busy bee. I missed him so much, and now that there is this pin-dropping silence in my home more often, I miss him even more!

As moms, we tend to make our children our entire lives—from the time we wake up to the time we lay down our worried heads. I was thinking the other day about how lonely this age feels to me, and I started to panic about the day he finally leaves to be an adult. I know I am not the only one who feels this way. 70% of moms feel isolated, lonely, and cut off from friends. Honestly, every stage of motherhood has its challenges. It’s hard to make friends, feel included, or enjoy time with other parents while still taking care of ourselves and our children. 

I do think one of the biggest challenges I faced with loneliness and connection was the fact that I had an older child, the first child, really, out of my core friend group. My friends were single and loving life, traveling and not running around with a toddler like me. At the same time, our lives were on different paths. We had less to connect on and talk about. Fast forward to today, it’s like we all traded places. My friends are now married or have children, even multiple children. They have birthday parties, pool parties, go for walks at the parks with other moms, go on vacations, and attend kids’ events with other moms who are friends with their kids, etc. I really didn’t get to experience this too much. Even now, my neighbors all have small children and are closer. The ladies have playdates, they chit-chat at the bus stop, and even have girls’ nights.

I once had to go to an MVP basketball camp years ago for my son one summer. There were long all-day events every weekend. Sometimes I would have to socialize with the other moms and have lunch, but they were already really close and I felt like an outsider. Their kids grew up together, had playdates, were neighbors, etc., or the moms knew each other from high school, were townies, or their husbands were friends and golfed together, etc. I didn’t really enjoy this, but I loved watching my son sit at the table across from me with the boys, laughing and enjoying himself.

Since my experience was so long ago, I want to say to moms, if you’re reading this, please don’t be discouraged. You will meet other friends and moms. Personally, I did not have the tools, resources, event selections, and platforms you do today. If I had some of these tools back then and if meeting up with other moms who had the same interests was as easy as it can be today, I know for a fact I would have felt way less lonely and more connected to other moms, and probably still be friends with some of them today.

Let’s be honest, motherhood is a transformative journey that encompasses various stages, each with its own unique challenges and rewards. While it is a beautiful experience, many mothers often find themselves feeling isolated during different phases of this journey. I wanted to address and explore the different stages of motherhood and delve into why each one can evoke feelings of isolation.

Pregnancy:

The first stage of motherhood begins with pregnancy, a time filled with anticipation and excitement. However, it can also be a period of physical and emotional changes that may leave expectant mothers feeling isolated. The physical discomfort, hormonal fluctuations, and the fear of the unknown can contribute to a sense of isolation as they navigate this new chapter.

Newborn Phase:

The arrival of a newborn brings immense joy, but it also introduces a whole new set of challenges. Sleep deprivation, constant demands, and the overwhelming responsibility of caring for a fragile life can leave new mothers feeling isolated. The lack of sleep and the constant focus on the baby’s needs can make it difficult for mothers to find time for themselves or maintain social connections.

Toddler Years:

As children grow into toddlers, the demands and responsibilities change. The toddler years are characterized by boundless energy, exploration, and the development of independence. However, this stage can also be isolating for mothers as they navigate tantrums, constant supervision, and the challenges of balancing their own needs with those of their child. The limited opportunities for adult interaction and the feeling of being constantly “on” can contribute to a sense of isolation.

School-Age Children:

As children enter school, mothers may assume that the feeling of isolation will diminish. However, this stage can bring its own set of challenges. The demands of school schedules, extracurricular activities, and maintaining a household can leave mothers feeling overwhelmed and disconnected from their social circles. The pressure to be involved in their child’s education and social life can also create a sense of isolation if they struggle to meet these expectations.

Empty Nest Syndrome:

When children leave home for college or to start their own lives, mothers may experience a profound sense of loss and isolation. The empty nest syndrome can leave mothers feeling purposeless and disconnected from the role they have dedicated their lives to. The sudden absence of daily responsibilities and the need to redefine their identity can contribute to feelings of isolation during this stage.

Making Connections Online:

Motherhood is a journey filled with love, joy, and growth, but it is not without its challenges. Each stage of motherhood brings its own unique set of circumstances that can lead to feelings of isolation. 50% of moms try using online apps to find new friends, but these online apps are not designed to help moms connect with other moms outside of their online friendship.  That’s why I use Spinnr. Spinnr is designed to help moms make other mom friends and form connections beyond the apps platform. With the use of hobby specific squads and pre-listed events, moms can chat about anything that interests them. They can even select an event and plan a public meet up. They can plan their meet up with a private conversation so no creeps can get in the way. Thanks to Spinnr, I no longer feel lonely and isolated as I have met many new moms in my city.